Twenty-Eight Octobers
by Lynda Crawford
CHARACTERS
JACKIE, female, mid-40s
FELIX, male, late 20s
TIME: Early 21st Century
PLACE: College Office
JACKIE Here we go. I knew I had an extra copy.
(Handing him The Drama of the Gifted Child.)
Just remember to bring it to class next week.
FELIX Thanks.
(Looking at photos on JACKIE’s desk)
Is that your kid?
JACKIE Yeah.
FELIX Just one?
JACKIE Yeah. You?
FELIX Have kids? Nah. Wouldn’t want to pass on any bad stuff. You ever think about that?
JACKIE About how hard it is to be a good parent? Sure. But we’re only human.
FELIX That’s no excuse. I mean, you get a bad one, it can really mess you up for life.
JACKIE Yeah, family of origin stuff leaves a scar, but we can still thrive if we get what we need elsewhere. Right? It doesn’t all have to come from the home. I try to give my students what they need here, in school: attention, respect, warmth, engagement . . . So you understand about the assignment? You might even interview your family members . . .
FELIX Oh yeah. On it.
JACKIE Great. Okay, well, I have to get ready for my next class . . . I’ll see you next week. (HE doesn’t budge.) Is everything okay, Felix?
FELIX No. Not under the circumstances.
JACKIE What’s going on? You want to talk about it?
FELIX With you?
JACKIE If you like. Or maybe the counselor? Jordan. He’s a good guy to talk to.
FELIX Oh. Passing me off, huh?
JACKIE No.
FELIX Again.
JACKIE What? I’m sorry, but—
FELIX Are you really?
JACKIE Okay . . . I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about here.
FELIX No clue? Okay. Here’s a big one . . . today!
JACKIE Monday?
FELIX October 14th—?
JACKIE Yes . . . Okay. Um . . . (no idea what he means)
FELIX New York Hospital.
JACKIE . . .
FELIX Doesn’t ring a bell? (A few beats.) Il bambino.
JACKIE What? . . . (Something starts to crystalize) Are you saying . . . (afraid to believe it)
FELIX Do I look so different . . . after 28 years?
JACKIE Wait . . . is this . . . (small laugh) What’s going on? (After several beats, tentatively) Oh god . . . (softly) Jamie? . . . Is it you?
FELIX What did you call me?
JACKIE Jamie? No. Sorry—Am I wrong?
FELIX Was that my name? Jamie?
JACKIE Is it really you?
FELIX Jamie, huh. Never expected that.
JACKIE But I guess it’s Felix now.
FELIX Yeah . . . I’m definitely more of a Felix.
JACKIE How did you find me?
FELIX That’s all you want to know?
JACKIE No, of course not, but—I’m just . . . trying to . . . understand—Was it Spence Chapin?
FELIX Where you left me? Oh yeah, I went there. For starters. They didn’t give me much to go on . . . But my moms—the one who brought me up, took care of me, loved me, not you—she knew I wanted to find out about it—about you—so she left me some money when she passed so I could hire a private investigator.
JACKIE She died?
FELIX Yeah. Ten years ago.
JACKIE I’m sorry. (Several beats.) You want to sit down?
FELIX That’s okay. I’m good.
JACKIE So how long have you—
FELIX Been stalking you?
JACKIE I guess.
FELIX Since the day I was born?
JACKIE I mean, how long have you known . . . who I was? Where I was?
FELIX A few months. It took a while.
JACKIE And that’s why you’re here, auditing the class?
FELIX Yeah. I’m not really interested in “The Origins of Trauma.” Kind of got that figured out already. Guess I don’t have to keep comin’ now. So no more mommy and me time.
JACKIE Maybe we can do that separate from class. If that’s what you’re after.
FELIX What else? What—you afraid I want something. Like money? Or what . . . to hurt you?
JACKIE No! . . . I hope not.
FELIX Actually I do want something. The story. The one about why you gave me up.
JACKIE . . .
FELIX What happened to all that “attention, warmth, and engagement” shit?
JACKIE (Beat.) I was just a kid when it happened.
FELIX Me too.
JACKIE Your father and I broke up before I realized I was pregnant.
FELIX He never knew about me?
JACKIE Well, not until after . . . after you were born . . . When I took you home. I had you home for six days.
FELIX That’s all you could take of me?
JACKIE No. I wanted something better for you.
FELIX You can’t get away with that one . . . (ridiculing) “I wanted a better life for you.”
JACKIE I did.
FELIX So give me one. With you. Make one. Don’t pawn me off on someone else. Not that they weren’t outstanding for the most part, ‘cept for dying on me . . .
JACKIE Both of them?
FELIX Yeah. He went first. Made it harder for moms without him. But she didn’t give me away . . .
JACKIE I was sixteen. Living at home . . . my mother, she was . . . she had problems—alcoholism. It runs in the family. You should be careful.
FELIX 23 and Me. Thank you!
JACKIE When did they tell you . . . that you were adopted.
FELIX I feel like I always knew. But there was that night when they sat me down and did it formally, I guess I was maybe eleven? My moms used the words “your real mom” . . . “you’re real Mom couldn’t take care of you anymore, so we were the lucky ones who got to have you in our family. And we are so happy about that.” But I couldn’t stop wondering what horrible thing happened to my “reals”—who they were . . . and what was I? The kids would always say that, “What are you?” I never knew. Obviously I was different from them. Darker. What am I? You look rosy white—So I must take after my Pops right? What was he? Black.
JACKIE Puerto Rican.
FELIX A Rican, huh. Tiano. I kinda figured as much. What was his name? Jamie?
JACKIE No. That was my father’s name. James. Named you after him. Your father was . . . Gilbert. He was a singer.
FELIX Cool. I do that.
JACKIE You do?
FELIX Yeah, got a band. (Beat.) So were you in high school together or something?
JACKIE No, he was older. Maybe 18, 19? He was singing somewhere, with this group. I got in with phony proof. I guess I was with a friend, but somehow ended up with Gil . . .
FELIX A one-night stand?
JACKIE No, we saw each other for a month or two, but it just didn’t…I was young and…
FELIX He ever record any CDs or anything?
JACKIE No, not as far as I know. But they were good, the group. There was this one song they did I will never forget.. “So Much in Love.” By the Tymes?
(SHE starts it . . . HE knows it and sings a little.)
Yes! Yes . . . You sound just like him.
FELIX Is he dead?
JACKIE I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him since . . . back then. I called him, after I took you home. He came over, saw you . . . I think he had some doubts if , you know . . . if you were really his. But once he saw you, he knew.
FELIX And he just let you give me up?
JACKIE It wasn’t up to him.
FELIX He could have offered to marry you, take care of us.
JACKIE He did.
FELIX What?
JACKIE He asked me to marry him. That day. I didn’t want to do that.
FELIX So you let me go.
JACKIE To give you a good life.
FELIX Bullshit! To pass me off—
JACKIE No. To give you two parents . . . who wanted you . . . who had money enough to adopt . . . who weren’t crazy or drunks. (Thoughtfully) Well, I guess there is no way of knowing that. (To FELIX) Were they?
FELIX Nah.
JACKIE That’s a relief.
FELIX Oh yeah. I’m sure you were just holding your breath—worrying night and day—and that’s why you did nothing. The Origins of Trauma—damn. Your area of expertise alright.
(A few beats.)
FELIX What was his last name. My pops. Maybe I’ll look him up.
JACKIE (She tries to bring it back.) I don’t remember.
FELIX Shit.
(Looking at photo on desk)
Does she know about me? Your kid? Your husband?
(She shakes her head.)
Wiped clean out of existence. All of us.
JACKIE No. I will tell—
JACKIE Whatever. So I got the family interview, teach. Did my assignment. Won’t be bothering you no more.
JACKIE (As he turns to go.) I tried to find you.
FELIX What’s that mean?
JACKIE I gave my info to the adoption agency. I let them know, if you came looking for me…
FELIX Yeah, well, what about you come looking for me? Do what I did. You’re not sixteen any more, mommy.
JACKIE You’re right. Can we . . . try . . . to . . . start over?
FELIX I don’t think you have anything I need now. I used to need you, think about you, imagine what you looked like. Imagine you were thinking about me too, somehow watching over me, that they made you give me up, but you couldn’t bear it, and so you were secretly looking out for me all the time, watching me in the playground . . . I’d look around for you there, imagine you could see me on my skateboard, or how well I could lift myself up on the bars; or when I got to school and the kids would say shit . . . I’d imagine you out there somewhere, loving me. But I was so wrong . . . You weren’t there. You weren’t ever there.
JACKIE I did think of you. Do think of you. Every year. On your birthday. I just didn’t realize that’s what you were talking about when you said the date. I never expected—I thought of you today, before all this…this morning, and every time this date comes up.
FELIX So what is that then . . . twenty-eight times. Twenty-Eight Octobers . . . happy birthday kid. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming—
JACKIE It was too painful. I couldn’t think about you more than that. It hurt beyond words. I know it is unthinkable, unforgivable . . . to give up your child. How cold hearted must I be to . . . ? I’ve asked myself that many times. But then, back then, I really thought it was the most loving thing I could —
(Bell rings. A few beats pass in silence.)
FELIX You’re late.
JACKIE I am. (SHE doesn’t move.)
FELIX (After a beat) Go on then. I’m outta here.
JACKIE Can we make a plan? Find another time to talk? Or you could wait here. It’s only 40 minutes.
FELIX (After a beat) Come find me.
(HE exits.)
(Blackout.)
What I love about this is that I like both Felix and Jackie and feel for them both. Jackie comes across to me as more easier to like yet I get them both. After reading this I left wishing to be able to have this same attitude in my life toward people I meet.
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